Chandigarh Excerpts

Some stories don't have tangible outcomes but are very important to exist.

Those who know me for years have an idea that I went to Chandigarh for one month for an official assignment before 9 years – almost a decade. There is also a blog series in my blog written at that time. And for those who don't know me, might think what's the big deal in that? It was after all not a foreign assignment or NASA project I should boast about. There are few reasons why it was different:

I was the only female member who would be travelling and working there. I had to work mostly in a warehouse in a remote area covered by only fields in few kilometres of periphery. People said, “It is unsafe”; my parents denied. Some said I won't find a Jain food there. I was in a process to find a groom and this could create a bad impression. Etc… etc...

But I knew I had to go. My manager asked me, "Are you sure you would go?". I said yes. My father asked me, "Can't they send anybody else?". I said, "No, I have worked for that part, so it is me who would be going" (I understand his point today more as I am a parent now). So, it was probably not unescapable, but I wanted to go. I thought, "It is a once in a lifetime opportunity. In future, who knows if I would be able to work also and travelling alone would sure be of zero possibility. Luckily, I have a very supportive husband and very understanding family today, but I did not know that at that time. I was in the uncertain zone.

The moment when I reached the guest house in Chandigarh and put my luggage on the bed, next moment I was in the balcony of my room. I rested my head on my hands crossed on the barricade. I thought why the hell have I come here. The scene is as fresh in my mind as it had happened yesterday. The cook of the guest house agreed to cook Jain food. We were provided a car to go to the warehouse. Team was so nice and so supportive. I had worked a lot. I also lived to the fullest for that month. I was responsible for me; for everything I did. And I had to choose between the right and the wrong; where I wanted to flow and where I wanted to stop. There I realized the new definition of responsibility: It is freedom. I have also made few mistakes but nothing of that is regretted today.

Also, I could have trapped at some point or harmed. I don't know. But nothing of that sort happened. Divine energy cared for me and I felt the energy even more strongly because of this. Everyone supported me so well at every point. So, it strengthened the faith that the world is still not so bad.

After coming back, I changed my job, got engaged. Before going I was probably fearful, in not so ready state. Chandigarh proved to be a bridge. What I did at Chandigarh and what I did not do at Chandigarh was my choice. And I understood that it is not just for one month, it is for the lifetime that I would be making my choices. I could not explain anyone at what extent I liked to be there with me. Same way I would not be able to explain anyone why I make a particular choice. But that will be right for me and that will make me happy. And if at all I will not get what I think is right will be because Universe knows the best plan for me and will offer me the same.

I watched a beautiful short film by Imtiaz named "The other way". The bride was nervous about her marriage. She ran away on her wedding day and flirts with a guy but comes back and get married to the decided person. In the process she learns that if I can do this on my wedding day, what can't I do otherwise? My freedom can't be given or snatched from me. It is me who owns it. Same way people even tells me today, “Why don’t you switch a company? X person has Y package in Z company”, “Why are you not thinking of moving to abroad?”, “Kids are responsibility, they don’t let you enjoy”. I don't bother to answer them. Nothing is forced upon me. I have made choices to be where I am. And no one can let me feel happy and sad about it other than myself. I don't need to convince them either that I am happy.

Like I was safe and happy where others think I would not be; I am grateful and happy with what I have today. It is not about disrespecting others or resisting a change. You should listen to others, but their standards should not disturb you and force you to become what you are not. I am where I am, because I decided to be like this or the Universe knew it was the best for me. There is a relief in being the way you are and like what you like without pretending. Chandigarh probably helped me to be myself more; made me stronger and more confident (little careless also ;)) and that's why always close to my heart.