What matters the most..!!

8:20 A.M. Got ready and stepped downstairs with one hand trying to implement a wrist watch on the other. Took keys. Took tiffin. Took the laptop bag. Started car and thought could step down for a minute and bow down in the temple (luckily no early morning calls today). Stopped for a while where the road turns. With the same hustle, removed my sandals and entered inside the temple.

                The moment I entered inside, the only person present inside left; making room for me. A room with the only curtain half closed and still filled with bright reflections of the sun rays. My heartbeats echoed in the space. As soon as I made an eye contact with the idol, it seemed unhappy. In the fraction of a second, I entered the different space. There was nothing between my eyes and His. And even without any thought being executed, I felt as if I have failed on my final day confrontation.

                Back to reality: with the work waiting for me, I stepped out and entered the car again. Now thoughts could come. And I tried to justify myself (but to whom?). I thought it must be foolish to feel that way. After all I have never done anything legally wrong. Never stolen anything, never killed any person, never cheated someone for money, never harassed people around me. So how can that be a case that I felt like a criminal?

                Pause. Wait. Rethink. Legally I may be safe. But who was unhappy with me was not a lawyer or a justice. He is not someone to punish me. He is the only one to uplift me. And He can see what is imprinted on my soul. I may have not stolen anything, but I may have been indulged into useless discussions or time-wasting activities and have lost my own asset called energy which could have been used for better reasons. I may not have killed anyone in person, but I might have felt insecure, disappointed, jealous, depressed without any strong reason and have degraded my own self. I might not have harassed anybody, but I might have not respected and cared for my own self enough.

                It is not just about how I behave with others. It is also about how I behave with myself and what I actually feel while behaving with others. Those concentrated Karmas of feelings are going to stay with me. Nothing else matters. 

             After a couple of days I read what my Guru had shared on the facebook. It said "The most powerful relationship you will ever have is the relationship with yourself  Nurture it with love and light". Having determined to become more aware when I revisited Him again, all I could see in those previously disappointed eyes was a gentle smile. :-)