Bridge Soul

અમુક અલવિદા અપૂર્ણ રહી જાય છે, નિર્ધારિત સમય પહેલા જ એનું અવતરણ થઈ જાય છે; અમુક અલવિદા સમય ના પાબંદ હોય છે, પણ ત્યારે શબ્દો ના પણ મ્હોં બંદ હોય છે; બાકી કેટલાક અલવિદા અનિવાર્ય હોય છે, અને સમજણ છતાં અસ્વીકાર્ય હોય છે; મન ના મેદાન ને સંજોગો ના ધારાધોરણો નડતા નથી, સમયની એરણી પર મન ના ભાવો પણ ઘસાતા નથી; અંતર ફલક ના મિલન પણ મનોહર હોય છે, હ્રદયજગત ની એ જ ધરોહર હોય છે. 

મેં તારી આંખો માં જોયું.. કહે છે રૂહ સુધી પહોંચવાનો એ સૌથી સરળ રસ્તો છે.. પણ આ શું? મેં ચિંતા નો વિચાર કર્યો તો તારી મુખમુદ્રા સ્થિર રહી.. મેં આનંદ નો વિચાર કર્યો તો તારી આંખો હસી પડી.. જો તું મારા અંતર નું જ દર્પણ હોય તો હું શું મને મળવા તારી પાસે આવી પ્રભુ??? પછી સમજાયું કે તારી પાસે ના હોઉં તો મને બીજા ની નજર ની જ પડી હોય છે.. હું મારી નજર માં શું  છું એ જાણવા તો મારે તારી પાસે જ આવું પડે છે. 

 Pink is the colour of love. Valentine people say it is red, but pink is my personal favourite. Aura looks pink when someone is in love. It is an adrenaline rush. It is passion running inside the veins. That might be red. But it is not just that. It is purity with passion, equanimity with adrenaline. Sweet like crystal sugar. It's a combination of beating heart and peaceful soul. When both meet, it becomes pink. It's not that easy. It is as difficult as starting a car on the slope. You have to leave the clutch and accelerate simultaneously. More complicated than the companionship of fire and water. It generates warriors and hermits. No shade of black. It is bright, shining but not goddy. Sometimes it feels true even if it is fake. Sometimes we can't see even if it is in front of our eyes. But if you receive, receive whole heartedly. Colour yourself pink. And colour yourself so deep that you leave your prints on everyone you meet. 🙂

 પ્રેમ નો રંગ ગુલાબી. વેલેન્ટાઈન વાળા લાલ કહે, પણ મને ગુલાબી વધારે ગમે. માણસ ની આભા ગુલાબી થઈ જાય પ્રેમ માં એવું લાગે. જુસ્સો, રફતાર જે નસો માં હોય એ લાલ હોતું હશે. પણ પ્રેમ તો જુસ્સા ની સાથે શુધ્ધતા પણ માંગે. રફતાર સામે સમતા પણ માંગે ને સફેદ સાકર જેવી મીઠાશ પણ માંગે. ધબકતા હૃદય મા શાંત આત્મા ભળે એવું. જ્યારે એ બે ભેગા થાય ત્યારે જ ગુલાબી થાય. કાળાશ વગરનો; મસ્તી અને આનંદ સાથે નિષ્ઠા અને સમર્પણ વાળો. આસાન નથી - ઢાળ પર ગાડી ચાલુ કરવા જેવું કપરું છે. કલચ છોડતા છોડતા એક્સલરેટ કરવા જેવું. અગ્નિ અને પાણી ના મિલન કરતા પણ વધારે કુતૂહલ ભર્યું. કોઈ જંગ લડી લે, કોઈ જોગી બની જાય. સંતુલન થી દેદીપ્યમાન થાય, પણ ભપકાદાર હોય તો અકળામણ આવે. કોઈક વાર છેતરામણો બી સાચો લાગે, કોઈક વાર સામે હોય તો બી ના દેખાય. પણ જ્યારે મળે ત્યારે એને માણી લેવો, એને ઓઢી લેવો, અંતર માં એવો સમાઈ લેવો કે જે સામે મળે એ રંગાયા વગર રહે નહીં. 🙂

 કોઈ સારા કે ખરાબ ક્યાં હોય છે, બસ ખાલી થોડા અલગ હોય છે; દુનિયા નું ભ્રમણ કરતો માનવી હોય, કે world web ની જાળી હોય; જ્યાં સુધી માણસ ને પોતાના જેવા ના મળે, ત્યાં સુધી એ પોતાની જાત ને પણ ઓળખતો નથી; એ મિલન લાબું હોય કે ક્ષણિક હોય, જીવન માટે હમેંશા યાદગાર ને લાક્ષણિક હોય છે; જે બીજા ને શાંતિ થી સાંભળી શકે છે, એને દિલ ખોલી બોલવા જરૂર કોઈ હોય છે; કોઈ સારા કે ખરાબ ક્યાં હોય છે, બસ ખાલી થોડા અલગ હોય છે. 🙂

I keep organizing. From study books to newspapers; from dishes to clothes; from requirements to execution. There are rare moments where I also organize my mind to understand what I like, what makes me happy, what all worth my attention. What thoughts I need to trash and what memories I need to preserve. 🙂 

 Sometimes we stop watering the seeds of our dreams. May be because we are covered by the opinions of so called wise people of the society. We are covered by the standards which are set. In this time of pandemic, most of set things have fallen. Most criterias to measure your success have failed. World will keep changing and so will the standards. Don't always try to fit yourself according to them. Respect others but also keep following and pursuing what your heart is after. The world will function even if you cut on few useless mandates. Steal some time for your dreams.. keep watering them.. 🙂

 When I was lying on a hospital bed, after my cesarean section, I could see a little girl playing through the window. I was not able to turn my body and only had that one straight view. I thought what if this anesthesia effect does not go away? Ever? What about if I could never walk again? Utterly stupid I know but very natural in such situation. Then I thought if I could return back to my previous normal life, I must have reduced list of complaints. Today in pandemic we do feel frustrated. Think of people with disabilities, in prison, animals in cage. We are free. We have wings of ideas and ways to articulate them. Many times I remember that small girl. Laughing, playing, bright, in safe hands.. that is me after my bad mood and then suddenly realizing what actually matters 🙂

 

 Meen Yugal - a pair of fish. It is one of the eight auspicious symbols - Asthmangal.  Significance: just as a fish swims in the ocean, we must also swim and cross the worldly ocean. it destroys sorrow and brings happiness in life.  It could have been a single fish, then why are there two? A person comes alone, goes alone. But he lives amongst people and shares his knowledge with people. He does his "Sadhana" alone. Pandemic has given us enough time alone to reflect, but we are missing the human quotient also (even an introvert like me sometimes do that).  A fish swims in water, but at times we forget to flow. Instead we hold on to old attachments and grudges with old people. That probably creates sorrow. A Meenyugal teaches us to flow, value the journey and swim towards happiness.

 અણસમજ નું અંધારું વિખરાઈ ને પ્રભાત નો ઝાંખો પ્રકાશ છે, એક કળી ની પાસે નું ઝાકળ નું બિંદુ સપના ની આળસ મરડે છે; એને મળવું છે સૂર્ય ના પ્રકાશ ને એને બનવું છે ઇન્દ્રધનુષ, એને વિસ્તરવું છે જમીન થી  આકાશ સુધી, નથી ગમતો અંકુશ; પાંદડા ના ભાર થી એ અલિપ્ત છે, જમીન પર ની ગંદકી થી બેખબર, એ પ્રેમ અને પ્રકાશ ને જ જાણે છે અને એમા જ ઓગળી જશે . 🙂

A rare occasion of a late post by me..After so many days got a chance to listen to music on mobile, otherwise in lockdown headphones are mostly used only for calls. A song after another and a memory after another kept playing..  I also let it flew... Sometimes it is good to let them flow, otherwise it gets accumulated by the name of cholesterol and cells. It felt like a confession session with a self and what I could feel in the end is healthier me in form of energy. Thanks hubby for suggesting that. 🙂

 Me, frustrated from screens and four walls of home and attracted by rain, took an umbrella and started walking towards riverfront. It is hardly 1.5 min walk from my home. There were families and couples at riverfront following social distance. I watched drops falling in the river. Sights of me riding with my husband in the rain, aromatic talks with friends over cappuccino, colleagues leaving desks to observe rain under roof in the office flashed through my mind. And I could see people giving strange looks from distant. Probably they could see through mask that I was smiling alone and thought I was crazy. What they could not see is I was with myself. 🙂

 I am a slow learner but I think time will be by my side. There are times when I thought I will end up like this: being mediocre. I may not learn anything new or become famous or roam around the globe. But there are lessons which I have learnt in slow and steady manner. When I see kids chanting long mantras at very young age, I admire them and wish I could be like them. But the way spirituality has come to me was probably the strongest way I could learn. I have lot to learn and I will learn at my time. Youngsters in their 20s today have such a good practical knowledge and clear with their choices. I have learnt late when and how much to trust people or probably haven't learnt yet. Still I have lost nothing. It is said universe has everything in abundance. It must also have infinite time for right things to happen. I will not give up on efforts but let me trust time this time. 🙂

  This May, after years I got the chance to sleep on the terrace. I had stopped liking to sleep on terrace specially after I became a working mother. As a small girl I could stare at stars with hypnotic effect. But after becoming a working mother, sleeping on terrace with uncertain wind, stray dog barking and early morning bird chirping were harassing my already sleep deprived mind. But this summer due to lockdown and due to force of my little monster, I had to sleep on the terrace. I was again hypnotized with charm of stars. Watched "Saptarshi" after years. Watched "Interstellar" again and lost in the thoughts of space. I realized that somewhere in the race of becoming a star performer, I had forgotten that one day everyone has to become a star and shine in peace. 🙂

Fallen Spiderman ( disorganized & scattered objects which I keep thinking of organizing after I get free but when I am free, I play 2048 ), perfectly solved 3 x 3 cube (which is giving me a sense of accomplishment after years ), a new way to teach my son addition ( to which he surprisingly asks everyday for tougher challenges and let me take office calls at peace 😃 ) and I hate trying new recipes 😛  --> Life these days more or less is summed up in this and I am grateful. Seemingly normal things at times are the rarest. 

 A fast running car is stopped by a sudden break. An engine is still on but car is not moving anywhere. There is no damage, no scratches but a jerk. Was I driving a car or car was driving me? Where I had to reach by rushing? Technically the engine is still on, but I am clueless about the direction. Maybe there will be a better route. Maybe I  would focus to drive it more sensibly. Maybe it will be all same once I start again.   That's a life in the lockdown.

  First things in life are always important. Why? Because it had never happened before? Or because it was always inside us but we never knew it could materialize? Remember one such first thing you still remember. Why do you still remember this? Because you had never experienced that?  Or because it was always there in your inner world, you had always imagined that in your mind and it actually happened in the real world? Your inner world and outer world became one. You imagination and reality became one. Your first love.. Your first interaction with God... Always special.. always important 🙂

Once upon a time, a man kept praying God. He kept telling repeatedly, " Oh God, I need a more open heart. Please make my heart more open." Few days later he was operated with an open heart surgery. 😃 A friend shared me this part from some book she was reading. Love and witty arguments have old connections. Our Sanskrit literature is full of such tales. Be careful before asking anything to God. He gives what we ask for but the form sometimes changes unexpectedly. Our wisdom is very limited. Instead be receptive to what God gives, after all He has the largest heart. 😃

Today my mind is behaving like love. No words are coming, no reasons are booming. It just wants to feel the grace. Is there any connection between mind and love? We always see them as different entities. But there are few moments when we are truly filled with love and our mind, heart and soul become one.. 🙂