Bridge Soul

 Pink is the colour of love. Valentine people say it is red, but pink is my personal favourite. Aura looks pink when someone is in love. It is an adrenaline rush. It is passion running inside the veins. That might be red. But it is not just that. It is purity with passion, equanimity with adrenaline. Sweet like crystal sugar. It's a combination of beating heart and peaceful soul. When both meet, it becomes pink. It's not that easy. It is as difficult as starting a car on the slope. You have to leave the clutch and accelerate simultaneously. More complicated than the companionship of fire and water. It generates warriors and hermits. No shade of black. It is bright, shining but not goddy. Sometimes it feels true even if it is fake. Sometimes we can't see even if it is in front of our eyes. But if you receive, receive whole heartedly. Colour yourself pink. And colour yourself so deep that you leave your prints on everyone you meet. 🙂

 પ્રેમ નો રંગ ગુલાબી. વેલેન્ટાઈન વાળા લાલ કહે, પણ મને ગુલાબી વધારે ગમે. માણસ ની આભા ગુલાબી થઈ જાય પ્રેમ માં એવું લાગે. જુસ્સો, રફતાર જે નસો માં હોય એ લાલ હોતું હશે. પણ પ્રેમ તો જુસ્સા ની સાથે શુધ્ધતા પણ માંગે. રફતાર સામે સમતા પણ માંગે ને સફેદ સાકર જેવી મીઠાશ પણ માંગે. ધબકતા હૃદય મા શાંત આત્મા ભળે એવું. જ્યારે એ બે ભેગા થાય ત્યારે જ ગુલાબી થાય. કાળાશ વગરનો; મસ્તી અને આનંદ સાથે નિષ્ઠા અને સમર્પણ વાળો. આસાન નથી - ઢાળ પર ગાડી ચાલુ કરવા જેવું કપરું છે. કલચ છોડતા છોડતા એક્સલરેટ કરવા જેવું. અગ્નિ અને પાણી ના મિલન કરતા પણ વધારે કુતૂહલ ભર્યું. કોઈ જંગ લડી લે, કોઈ જોગી બની જાય. સંતુલન થી દેદીપ્યમાન થાય, પણ ભપકાદાર હોય તો અકળામણ આવે. કોઈક વાર છેતરામણો બી સાચો લાગે, કોઈક વાર સામે હોય તો બી ના દેખાય. પણ જ્યારે મળે ત્યારે એને માણી લેવો, એને ઓઢી લેવો, અંતર માં એવો સમાઈ લેવો કે જે સામે મળે એ રંગાયા વગર રહે નહીં. 🙂

 કોઈ સારા કે ખરાબ ક્યાં હોય છે, બસ ખાલી થોડા અલગ હોય છે; દુનિયા નું ભ્રમણ કરતો માનવી હોય, કે world web ની જાળી હોય; જ્યાં સુધી માણસ ને પોતાના જેવા ના મળે, ત્યાં સુધી એ પોતાની જાત ને પણ ઓળખતો નથી; એ મિલન લાબું હોય કે ક્ષણિક હોય, જીવન માટે હમેંશા યાદગાર ને લાક્ષણિક હોય છે; જે બીજા ને શાંતિ થી સાંભળી શકે છે, એને દિલ ખોલી બોલવા જરૂર કોઈ હોય છે; કોઈ સારા કે ખરાબ ક્યાં હોય છે, બસ ખાલી થોડા અલગ હોય છે. 🙂

I keep organizing. From study books to newspapers; from dishes to clothes; from requirements to execution. There are rare moments where I also organize my mind to understand what I like, what makes me happy, what all worth my attention. What thoughts I need to trash and what memories I need to preserve. 🙂 

 Sometimes we stop watering the seeds of our dreams. May be because we are covered by the opinions of so called wise people of the society. We are covered by the standards which are set. In this time of pandemic, most of set things have fallen. Most criterias to measure your success have failed. World will keep changing and so will the standards. Don't always try to fit yourself according to them. Respect others but also keep following and pursuing what your heart is after. The world will function even if you cut on few useless mandates. Steal some time for your dreams.. keep watering them.. 🙂

 When I was lying on a hospital bed, after my cesarean section, I could see a little girl playing through the window. I was not able to turn my body and only had that one straight view. I thought what if this anesthesia effect does not go away? Ever? What about if I could never walk again? Utterly stupid I know but very natural in such situation. Then I thought if I could return back to my previous normal life, I must have reduced list of complaints. Today in pandemic we do feel frustrated. Think of people with disabilities, in prison, animals in cage. We are free. We have wings of ideas and ways to articulate them. Many times I remember that small girl. Laughing, playing, bright, in safe hands.. that is me after my bad mood and then suddenly realizing what actually matters 🙂

 

 Meen Yugal - a pair of fish. It is one of the eight auspicious symbols - Asthmangal.  Significance: just as a fish swims in the ocean, we must also swim and cross the worldly ocean. it destroys sorrow and brings happiness in life.  It could have been a single fish, then why are there two? A person comes alone, goes alone. But he lives amongst people and shares his knowledge with people. He does his "Sadhana" alone. Pandemic has given us enough time alone to reflect, but we are missing the human quotient also (even an introvert like me sometimes do that).  A fish swims in water, but at times we forget to flow. Instead we hold on to old attachments and grudges with old people. That probably creates sorrow. A Meenyugal teaches us to flow, value the journey and swim towards happiness.

 અણસમજ નું અંધારું વિખરાઈ ને પ્રભાત નો ઝાંખો પ્રકાશ છે, એક કળી ની પાસે નું ઝાકળ નું બિંદુ સપના ની આળસ મરડે છે; એને મળવું છે સૂર્ય ના પ્રકાશ ને એને બનવું છે ઇન્દ્રધનુષ, એને વિસ્તરવું છે જમીન થી  આકાશ સુધી, નથી ગમતો અંકુશ; પાંદડા ના ભાર થી એ અલિપ્ત છે, જમીન પર ની ગંદકી થી બેખબર, એ પ્રેમ અને પ્રકાશ ને જ જાણે છે અને એમા જ ઓગળી જશે . 🙂

A rare occasion of a late post by me..After so many days got a chance to listen to music on mobile, otherwise in lockdown headphones are mostly used only for calls. A song after another and a memory after another kept playing..  I also let it flew... Sometimes it is good to let them flow, otherwise it gets accumulated by the name of cholesterol and cells. It felt like a confession session with a self and what I could feel in the end is healthier me in form of energy. Thanks hubby for suggesting that. 🙂

 Me, frustrated from screens and four walls of home and attracted by rain, took an umbrella and started walking towards riverfront. It is hardly 1.5 min walk from my home. There were families and couples at riverfront following social distance. I watched drops falling in the river. Sights of me riding with my husband in the rain, aromatic talks with friends over cappuccino, colleagues leaving desks to observe rain under roof in the office flashed through my mind. And I could see people giving strange looks from distant. Probably they could see through mask that I was smiling alone and thought I was crazy. What they could not see is I was with myself. 🙂

 I am a slow learner but I think time will be by my side. There are times when I thought I will end up like this: being mediocre. I may not learn anything new or become famous or roam around the globe. But there are lessons which I have learnt in slow and steady manner. When I see kids chanting long mantras at very young age, I admire them and wish I could be like them. But the way spirituality has come to me was probably the strongest way I could learn. I have lot to learn and I will learn at my time. Youngsters in their 20s today have such a good practical knowledge and clear with their choices. I have learnt late when and how much to trust people or probably haven't learnt yet. Still I have lost nothing. It is said universe has everything in abundance. It must also have infinite time for right things to happen. I will not give up on efforts but let me trust time this time. 🙂

  This May, after years I got the chance to sleep on the terrace. I had stopped liking to sleep on terrace specially after I became a working mother. As a small girl I could stare at stars with hypnotic effect. But after becoming a working mother, sleeping on terrace with uncertain wind, stray dog barking and early morning bird chirping were harassing my already sleep deprived mind. But this summer due to lockdown and due to force of my little monster, I had to sleep on the terrace. I was again hypnotized with charm of stars. Watched "Saptarshi" after years. Watched "Interstellar" again and lost in the thoughts of space. I realized that somewhere in the race of becoming a star performer, I had forgotten that one day everyone has to become a star and shine in peace. 🙂

Fallen Spiderman ( disorganized & scattered objects which I keep thinking of organizing after I get free but when I am free, I play 2048 ), perfectly solved 3 x 3 cube (which is giving me a sense of accomplishment after years ), a new way to teach my son addition ( to which he surprisingly asks everyday for tougher challenges and let me take office calls at peace 😃 ) and I hate trying new recipes 😛  --> Life these days more or less is summed up in this and I am grateful. Seemingly normal things at times are the rarest. 

 A fast running car is stopped by a sudden break. An engine is still on but car is not moving anywhere. There is no damage, no scratches but a jerk. Was I driving a car or car was driving me? Where I had to reach by rushing? Technically the engine is still on, but I am clueless about the direction. Maybe there will be a better route. Maybe I  would focus to drive it more sensibly. Maybe it will be all same once I start again.   That's a life in the lockdown.

  First things in life are always important. Why? Because it had never happened before? Or because it was always inside us but we never knew it could materialize? Remember one such first thing you still remember. Why do you still remember this? Because you had never experienced that?  Or because it was always there in your inner world, you had always imagined that in your mind and it actually happened in the real world? Your inner world and outer world became one. You imagination and reality became one. Your first love.. Your first interaction with God... Always special.. always important 🙂

Once upon a time, a man kept praying God. He kept telling repeatedly, " Oh God, I need a more open heart. Please make my heart more open." Few days later he was operated with an open heart surgery. 😃 A friend shared me this part from some book she was reading. Love and witty arguments have old connections. Our Sanskrit literature is full of such tales. Be careful before asking anything to God. He gives what we ask for but the form sometimes changes unexpectedly. Our wisdom is very limited. Instead be receptive to what God gives, after all He has the largest heart. 😃

Today my mind is behaving like love. No words are coming, no reasons are booming. It just wants to feel the grace. Is there any connection between mind and love? We always see them as different entities. But there are few moments when we are truly filled with love and our mind, heart and soul become one.. 🙂

કાલે રાત્રે તે આગળી ચીન્ધી ને આકાશ બતાવ્યું ને હું એક મિનીટ અટકી ગયી.. પ્રદુષણ વગર ના આકાશ માં કેટલા દિવસે આટલા તારા જોયા.. આ શહેર કદાચ ભૂલી ગયું હતું કે આકાશ માં આટલા તારા વસતા હશે અને ફૂલો પણ કદી શ્વસતા હશે. એમ લાગે છે કે પ્રકૃતિ એ બહુ વાર કીધું કે હવે બહુ થયું થોડા રોકાઓ, મારુ ધ્યાન આપો, પણ આપણે માન્યા જ નહી, અટક્યા જ નહીં. એટલે રિસાયેલી પ્રેમીકા ની જેમ એને આપણ ને મહત્વ આપવાનું છોડી પોતે જ પોતાનું ધ્યાન રાખવાનું શરૂ કર્યું છે. લાગે છે કે હવે ફરી એ માની જાય પછી આપણે ભૂલ્યા વગર એનું ધ્યાન રાખવું પડશે. એક તરફી પ્રેમ આમ પણ લાંબો ના ટકે. હવે એની સંભાળ રાખવા વચનબદ્ધ થવું જ પડશે. 🙂

 હે પ્રભુ.! તારી પતઝડ આગળ માનવ નુ આ ચિત્ર આજે વામણુ લાગે છે, અને અત્યારે વિશ્વ ની પરિસ્થિતિ આગળ વસંત એક શમણું લાગે છે, તારી લીલા સમજવા હું સક્ષમ નથી પણ જાણું છું, તું પોતે જ શિવ સ્વરૂપ, તું પોતે જ પ્રેમ સ્વરૂપ,  જે ડૂબ્યુ એને તું જ તારીશ, જે બગડયુ એને તુ જ સુધારીશ. 🙂

  Thinking to write about love of/for Almighty till the time you are with me. It seems correct as per the current scenario. And you know what.. when you are around, I feel more connected with God. May be because in your absence, when I am playing single and working parent, my mind is so occupied and exhausted that I can't spare time to connect with my own self. With you around me, I am at peace and my mind is not struggling just to finish tasks but also observes and wonders how systems in universe work...

We think of social status, luxury, technology in normal times, but we think of food, shelter and safety in crisis. Likewise I tell you in normal times : you don't gift me, you don't help me, you don't make our son does his homework, but I tell you these days in my crisis : I just want you to be with me, to be by my side.

Uncertainties... That is what everyone's mind is full of and that is what everyone wants to be free from... What role love plays in that? It gives faith.. it tells you that I am with you, no matter what difficulties come.. that is a driving force.. that is the source of energy.. Mine is you.. 🙂

 Woman... That is what I want to feel like one day, and that is what I hate when someone discriminates me for. One day I want to lead my life and another day I want to feel protected. One day I am tomboy and another day I am feminine. And there are many more moods I possess at different points. What triggers them is sometimes out of logic. I know I am all this and still sometimes I also can't understand me, but you do. Later when I think about it I understand you always respond, rarely react. I think this is what people talk about when they talk acceptance. Thank you for accepting me the way I am and yes.. Happy women's day. 🙂

 You learn from mistakes. You learn that if you can make mistakes, others can make it too. As you become more successful with more learning, you also become more forgiving and more inclusive with each of your mistakes.

 I am happy to see your mind is open to think new and you didn't copy paste from the left. Although sometimes your open mind is a reason I feel frightened before every PTM(parents teachers meeting), but I think it's ok. To have an open mind is more important than having good grades. I have learnt that late in life, but hope I don't bother you to become like others. And no matter how modern I think I have become, you will always be one step ahead. 😃

 

 While I was complaining to you about others pulling my legs at times, there came a man without having legs bowing down to You... Sometimes we are really shallow in our thinking..🤦‍♀

 A Sea Shell and A Pearl Oyster Oyster: You are so hard from outside, nobody can guess your softness which lies inside. Shell : Some take advantage of me when they come to know about my softness.I am happy this way. Oyster: Hmm.. Shell : I feel hurt when I am exploited for my softness, which I carry inside. Don't you feel hurt when someone takes your pearl away? Oyster : I generate pearl initially to save myself. I nurture the pearl and it transforms me. Apart from this, I have no eyes. So where my pearl is gone and what someone is doing with it is of no use to me. Only sometimes the emptiness pinches.

 When in the midst of preparing TO DO list in the office, you called and informed me, "Mamma, I have painted and spoiled the table. You need to clean that". I added that too in my TO DO 😉 I was expecting a complete mess. It was a mess, but when I looked closely, I felt so happy and charged. I had stopped imagining orange gorilla and white lion a long ago. And your brush holder and garage just looked stunning 😃

Bees flattered on the beauty of petal covered by dew drops,  even sepal had no idea that it cried entire night and could not stop.  The dawn broke and it stopped to repent,  the light entered through and it could stand.  Neither tears nor light was responsible alone,  beauty was result of the combination of both.  Most captured the gorgeous picture of dew,  those who understood light were very few. 

 You fell into the well of my cup. There was hardly any tea left in the cup but it was still enough to make you sink. Suddenly I noticed that; brought you out on my finger and happy to see you move. I prayed for you to fly. You are not alone my friend.. sometimes we humans also do the same. Even if we know there are not much emotions left, we can still sink ourselves there. 🙂

 I am a day dreamer, bit whimsical I guess. I am involved so much into what I do. If I am lost in thoughts I can create a poem. If I am lost in love, I can create my own new self. In the beginning I could not comfort myself into the world of show-offs, but it feels like now I am getting lost into that too. I was not bad the way I was earlier but I think it is important to know both the worlds. Only then you can cross the bridge between visible and invisible. I may still more like people who are day dreamers, but it is equally important to stand still, rise above who you are and who you can become and help others rise too. 🙂

 We are trapped in numbers. From number of likes to percentage download.  From number of steps walked to amount of calories (burned/consumed). From marks in exam to digits in salary. We keep analyzing and forget that just like body, mind also needs rest. It is good to know the latest technologies, but watch out you do not get addicted. It is good to automate things, but also remember to meditate. 🙂

  Sometimes we are so much into the flow that we forget to separate ourselves from the situation and understand its impact on us. Try spending few minutes with yourself and analyze. In most cases you will understand nothing is going to last forever. Helps to decrease the frustration level 🙂

 Either I can love fiercely or I am detached. No in between stage exists ( probably a weird quality of scorpion.. not sure ). And when someone says something wrong about you, my first thought is that he/she must doesn't know how to behave with you. Love is blind to see the mistakes. And while I want to make everyone else silent so that you can laugh aloud, I am also thinking that ultimately you have to live with all of them. I won't be there every time with you. So with the ocean of love in my heart, I will still scold you. With freedom, we must respect discipline. I will choose to be harsh at times and redirect you as much as I can because life also has other alternatives to teach something we refuse to accept. Parenting is a roller coaster of emotions. 🙂

 In the season of report cards and orientations, just thinking: My dearest son, you are completing your learnings and moving ahead. You have learned alphabets, numbers, colors and so many things so fast. I seem to be stopped. For years I have been the same. I need attention, I need importance. I need acknowledgement in love over and over again. How I wish to learn like you, continually moving towards light and be happy where I am. 🙂

 In this very moment the way I feel, I wish it stays forever. In this very moment, I have no complains to my loved one. And those who are not loved, I rarely complain about them. I respect the distance and the difference. Normally I want my dear ones to stay near me. I have my mobile data off, still I am feeling connected to them. I know this too will pass. I know the feeling of gratitude fades at times.  I feel at times I am alone, just to realize later that I was foolish. Someone said life is a sine wave: Happiness and sadness, knowledge and ignorance. Still I want to reach a state of permanent knowledge, bliss and happiness.

 Famous people of India… my son asked me to ask a list of question (list was prepared by him and I had to ask him those questions ;)). One question was who is a famous cricketer of India? And he said.. “ Sachin Kundalpur” I corrected him saying ‘Well, it is not “Kundalpur”, it is “ Sachin Tendulkar” :-D’. This reminded me of a great cricketer. I used to watch his one days when I was a kid. And whenever he was hitting a century he would look up in the sky and bring his hand near to his heart in a gesture of showing gratitude. May be it was his way to connect to his guardian angel. I thought of trying to connect like this if I can decipher something. I looked up. I could see a clear sky with light clouds in a low tide winter evening. Probably what I could see outside is what I am feeling inside - today and now. Clear and light. Stupid, but loved it. 🙂

you will explore the world so new, you will learn the things one or few. if you find a flower with a colour so bright, be grateful to the nature for being so right. If you find a poor kid playing in the sand, have some change of happiness on lend. When life seems to seize in you to exist, Walking helps you realize your heart beats. turbulence of your soul will also stop, once you get the rhythm in your walk.

 I often observe kids while they are bouncing on trampoline. Normally they are seeking for a sight of their mother or father to show how high and smart they are jumping. And when they search, they don't search for a mother with smoothened hair and spotless skin or a handsome father. They just search for their very own loving parent. I respect beauty. But for a child, beauty is above worldly definition. They find them beautiful whom they consider their own. Their innocent love is a gateway to happiness. It's a human tendency to leave sadness behind and flow towards happiness and I find my happiness in your eyes searching for mine 🙂

 People had opinions about me. I thought I was different. But I might have believed them if I haven't met you. I should be responsible for my image in my mind but still it was important to meet someone who see me as I see myself. To meet someone like this was necessary and important. People do have opinions for me even today but I don't bother anymore. To know someone who knows me as I am has proved to be a source of strength and happiness. 🙂

 Can you hear me? Can you hear me? Something we frequently use when we are joining meetings over call. And mostly the one on the other hand is listening but is on the mute mode. The one who is asking this question has idea what is happening but someone being there on the other line matters. This happens to me even when I am not on call 😃. Someone is not besides me at the point of time, but knowing he/she will be there matters. When a car accident happened and I was driving, before I could see my broken bonnet I thought if something goes wrong I will ask my husband to come here. I knew he will come no matter what and will handle the situation. When situation goes worse in office or home, I know there is someone with whom I can share and things will be alright. This someone may be a friend/ a colleague / my parents. In short it is the only source of energy or a person in which He resides. Every time I don’t need a solution instantly, but just to know that there will be someone with ...

  કોઇ ને જાહેર મા રડવાની ક્યાય કસર નથી, ને અમે ના રડીયે તો કહે આને કોઇ અસર નથી; ફાયદા ઉઠાવે ને કાયદા બતાવે એના કરતા તો, રડવા માટે રાતો ના સાથ જરાય અલાયદા નથી.

 “Words are thoughts transformed to vibrations” – Read somewhere. With time words elapse. They vanish. Still they change something. That something exists in us. Exists beyond our physical, mental or emotional body. Which tells us when we are thinking negative that I am like this may be because my hormones are imbalanced and I need to take care of me or tell me in a bad situation that I should be frightened now but somehow I don’t feel terrible as I feel things are going to be fine. That is one level where the impact of words are imprinted. Words said, written or thought leave impact. It is said that in the state of perfect bliss, words don’t exist. I was bit disappointed to read that. But then I thought I don’t remember or read records of conversation with people whom I love the most and still what I feel for them is unchangeable. That is impact of words - said, written or thought. All I am trying to say is words are one strong way for expression and build a core of us and guide us...

 "I can't scream", I said in the midst of some discussion regarding adventures. we were discussing about snorkeling, scuba diving, sky walk, bungee jumping and so on. I remembered myself sitting in one of the most dangerous type of ride at universal studio ( I was not aware it might be so dangerous otherwise I would have avoided). And I could see myself closing eyes so tightly and chanting name of my Lord (funny but true). But I could not scream. Prarthana said others might be thinking you are strong , not screaming. May be true. In worse scenarios I always do the same. While others are thinking I am strong, I am seeking divine help with the utmost sincerity. sometimes it is good to make way for fear to go out but instead what all I can do is let it swipe out with a stronger force. I cant scream easily. 🙂

 It is ok to be soaked by the  drizzle of past,  but watch yourself  from getting drowned.

 

 There are people who look at me for support. They somehow believe that I can make a situation better. I respect their feelings. I want to heal them but have no idea how. I have no power to make any change. How is it possible when I, myself is so weak. I don’t easily show that. But something inside me constantly needs strength. And the only way I know to act upon this is to tell You. To seek You. I do make mistakes. I do have flaws. But then I need You the most whenever I am low. And You always show me a way. Sometimes I don’t even understand if something has happened, but curing is in process. And when somebody look at me for help, I simply pass it on to You. You have different names: God, Guardian angel, Universal energy, Love, Light. But for me, You are the base of my life. Sometimes I like weakness for a reason that it gives me a chance to remember You even strongly. More I think of You, more I will become like You. 🙂

 I wanted it to stay the same always. And when it started changing, I was little unhappy. I wanted to sway in the magic forever. The magic when the seed of liveliness was implanted into me. The time where I felt I can fly. My first handshake with my existence (or what we call love). I revisited talks, places, experiences - everything I could recall. The time when my stubborn self was mellowed down and I started seeing things differently. Everything appeared beautiful. As if my soil was watered. As if I was healed. Then why is it no longer the same? Was the good time over? Was I supposed to stay stagnant now?     But then I thought a seed is implanted only once, but then it grows and generates multiple seeds. A software is installed only once, then after it runs multiple times. A bird learns to fly only once, but then it flies all its life. I was also privileged once to understand Him and now what I need to do is follow what I know. To spread love. I had no reason to ...

 I will keep looking for You, and You will keep cooling me. In the form of turning me down, or diverting me on the right road. A fire will still keep burning, You make sure I don't blow but glow. A bond different from the world, A process to become enlightened. Between a desire to attain and a duty to leave, we grow. We need to reach to the Majesty, above the sky resides a divinity. But who guide us a right path, are the angels living amongst us.  Till we become a white light, we need to surpass the rainbow. You will make me experience all colors, which will combine and make me wiser. I and You do change the roles, And we will keep the wheels roll.

 You are important for me. In my black and white world, you are colorful. Yours is a little world my son, with comparatively less objects than me. So you see everything with a magnifying glass. Each single object in your world has significant influence on you. I am one of the important object in your world. So when other objects in my black and white world become boring or thankless at times, I don't mind much. I think of you. You are someone for whom I am important. Someone for whom I am making a difference. Someone for whom I matter. So I push aside the negative stuff and be content and happy inside.

 Came across a story in which a king( not remember the name),much impressed by the buzz of laila-majnu decided to kidnap Laila and marry her. When she was brought to him and unveiled.. King was even more furious. He was expecting a breathtaking beauty to be unveiled, but Laila was more than ordinary. He wondered what Majnu might have liked in her?    If the king had ever found someone who has seen him just for who he is. Not for his power, money, caste, creed, look or luxury. If he had ever found someone with whom he can share his innermost stupidity and spiritual journey equally and effortlessly. If he had ever felt a need to talk to someone without reason and that yet gave meaning to his existence, he would have never wondered about Majnu's choice . 🙂

 Motherhood is a journey of guilt. Had I done this, it would have been better for my child. Had I feed him this, it would have been better for my kid. Sometimes a baby seems to cry unnecessarily or turns stubborn. A mother may react furiously and feels frustrated. But an hour later she understands that a baby was behaving like this because she was hungry/frightened of something/ needed attention or had some other valid reason. That comes in a mother's known error database, she repents and a mistake is never repeated again. In a process, she learns to see things with different aspects. She understands that what is seen is never complete. There are different perspective of a truth. People who have cheated her, hurt her or saddened her might have their own reasons. It seems frustrating at the front, but they might have different set of reasons to behave in that manner. It may not nullify the anger inside her but definitely makes her wise enough to dilute them all. Love is a fountainhe...

 When I deal with freshers these days, their work approach seems to be very different, different from what we had before 10 years. They are carefree but smarter. It feels to exist a generation gap even between us and them. At times when I look at my son, I wonder how would I cope with him when he will become a teenager or a college pass out? I would not understand his many things and he would not probably any 😃.     He will be in a transit state from mischiefs to maturity and I will be in a transit state from maturity to malfunctioning. What will keep a bond strong then?     But is it always a smooth conversation and same type of opinions that keeps us bounded? It is probably the integrity of thoughts that does. "I may never show and you may never know" not necessarily holds true every time. We capture the intensity in the waves of eyes and in the unspoken words.    In the team, new members can sense the transparency, go an extra mile, I try...

 Moments of limitless power, moments of unbounded joy, moments of flawless beauty... That's how it feels in love. And through the moments we strike a chord with eternity. Moments don't last long. It either changes the subject(form) or the object(person) involved. But what continues is the zeal to make it permanent, the wish to stay in this state forever. That is where we understand God. Permanent state of bliss, joy, power. Seeker becomes the source. The world revolves around what helps to start this journey.

  Every true love and friendship is a story of unexpected transformation. If we are the same person before and after we loved, that means we haven't loved enough. - Elif Shafak

 It’s a Jigsaw. There is certainly someone who is arranging my pieces. I provide a smooth surface without asking what next or why this? I know what I have to do… Have Faith and wait to get a meaningful holistic picture one day… 🙂

  4th June, 2017. It was a normal Sunday. Attending a social function, eating high calorie food there, rest in the afternoon, playing football in the evening with my son, cooking, shopping and so on. In fact it was a perfect Sunday. And still something was pinching inside me. As such I avoid writing something dull, but that doesn’t mean I think perfect all the time. 10 years before on the same date I started my career. And I can not expect anyone to remember this, not probably even me. I don’t aspire to become a CEO of my company, but my work matters to me. It undoubtedly is a very important part of me. I thought I don’t do full justice to either my work or my family or my son. I just keep juggling. And in the state of disappointment, to divert my mind I opened a phone to surf something random. And the very first thing I noticed was that it was a Dasham(10th day of month in Hindu calendar) and Sunday. Dasham - Lord Parshvanath’s tithi and Sunday –His day. Me – His tiny stupid devot...

 You are a crucial part of every decision I make. If I leave my modesty apart for a moment, then my career move, my travel ideas, my weekend plans and every other thing is affected by you. Will I ever label them as “sacrifices” and remind you in later part of my life? Well, I may do so if I am insecure. But believe me that won’t be true. Because what I think I am leaving and what I think is because of you is actually not because of you. It is because of me. It is an unsaid infinite wish inside me to be needed. You make me feel needed and that probably matters the most to me, more than any other choice. So what I can label as leaving is actually gaining and something inside me becomes very much happy whenever I do this. I receive more than what I leave. Love is like that only. Full of loss, full of gain. So abstract, so real. But the most important thing is to have someone to shower this on. And in between of loving and leaving, one day I know I will find my own meaning of existence...

  2 years of marriage and 2 months of motherhood… As you say I am your only investment that doubled in 2 years, I also have to say not many but few words. It is not that you made me feel great, It is great that with you I am myself. It is not that problems don’t come our way, With you they do not have long stay. I do not thank you for coming into my life, I thank universal force that I’m your wife.

 You have become a big boy now. 2 years plus 2 weeks.  You speak everything now. You know my company's name. The city I go for work. Now you have started saying good bye to me when I leave for my office. It was not easy. Till now I used to kiss you before I go for bath and immediately after that I used to leave when you were busy playing with something in other room. If you are in the drawing room then I would leave from the kitchen. The intention was not to cheat you. But whenever you saw me going anywhere you were crying and that made me feel very guilty. But after reading a chapter in book 'Kids care' (by Rohit Shah), I felt I was truly escaping and made you felt cheated. So after you turned 2, I started saying good bye. You already knew it in your heart that I was going to office everyday. And everyday after I was leaving for the office, within 5 minutes you were asking your grandma, 'Where is Mamma?'. She always replied correctly that I went for the office and ...

 Things won't stay the same, they may go missing, I will still smile the way I should & I will still sing. Distance may take its place in between, It may leave me wondered and frustrating. Long witty talks that kept me drenching, Their memories may keep me wrenching. Your thoughts play a role in your making, If that holds true, I am the result of your meeting. With time the initial spark may start fading, But I will remember your warmth and will keep flame burning. Purpose of our meeting must be the way to know living, I will continue to be at that core forever while interacting. I can't let others judge in me something is missing, That would risk to insult your part in me which keeps existing. So what if certain things may go missing, I will still smile the way I should and I will still sing.

They say opposites attract.. Really??  If you consider rich and poor, beautiful and ugly opposites then it may be true.  But if we consider the choice of music, interest of books, fantasies, stupidity, dreams of life or destination beyond life as attributes, then may be similarity attracts. The joy of getting a reflection of our inner core is incomparable. Words start flowing when you are together and you start knowing who you are. In the short life full of financial, emotional, health, career and other problems, getting such a companion is a sign of bliss. We should make the most out of it as this leads you to know your own self and next to know infinity. 

 Drawn by the words,  nothing else but words.  Give me flowers,  impress me with gifts,  but what strikes the most,  are the words in tags.  Open sky and the moon so bright,  fingers entwined and you so near,  heart sings million melodies,  which you utter close to my ear.  Your eyes communicate  sometimes more than words,  reason is the words you said  or the ones you hold to express.  The words you hold to express  reach to me unbelievably,  they are not just alphabets  they are thoughts with intensity.  Seems like words also  have their own aura,  they create the magic  and you ride tora tora.  And there are words  that I keep safe with me,  like a super locker  with precious jewelry.  There are times  when I open these locks,  to unlock my happiness  by revisiting those words.  Words make the books,  and build the quotes,...

 You are not your age, Nor the size of the clothes you wear, You are not a weight, Or the color of your hair. You are not your name, Or the dimples in your cheeks, You are all the books you read, And all the words you speak, You are your croaky morning voice, And the smiles you try to hide, You are the sweetness in your laughter, And every tear you have cried, You're the songs you sing so loudly when you know you're all alone, You are the places you have been to, And the one you call home, You're the things you believe in, And the people that you love, You're the photos in your bedroom, And the future you dream of, You're made of so much beauty, But it seems you forgot, When you decided that you were defined, By all the things you're not. - Ernest Hemingway

 I find ways to complain, you find ways to be happy. I feel irritated and shout at you sometimes, you cry out loud at the moment but comes back as if nothing had happened. They say you learn from me, I wish I learn to be happy without reason and love without holding grudges from you.. 🙂

  Everyone has to come out of a safe zone in order to fly. I hope I remember the same when you grow and choose your own path. Mother.exe will keep running in the background but I will try to remember in the foreground that I have learned the best lessons of life only when I was on the less known and less safe path. I will wish you to fly high...

 Love is designed for alleviation and healing.  If it is missing in what you call is love, it is time to introspect.

I managed to survive even without you.. But meeting you felt like the first rain on my so(i/u)l.. 

  I keep thinking, What is the purpose of my life? Career? Writing? Spiritual journey? Which of the above gives a jerk to my nervous system? Not sure. What is sure? I surely go insane when you get hurt or ill. I surely want to run away home in the evening so that I don't miss a minute I could have spent with you. I surely feel concerned while talking to your teacher. I surely think twice before saying/acting anything in front of you as it may have a critical impact on your novice mind. I surely thank God for having you in my life. Doesn't mean I want you to become a Mama's boy or I am the great Mother India. I feel live for every bit regarding you. Things may change with time. But for Now.. Today.. My Son...You give meaning to my life 😊